Archive | 9:21 pm

Guest Post: Lincoln-It’s My Birthday!

4 Dec

Hey bitches–Lincoln here! I’m doing an extra special guest post today. Why today you ask? Because it’s my birthday! I’m 4 years old today so that means I’m almost 30 in human years. My momma and me are almost the same age-how weird is that?

It’s been a great year!

 I played in the snow

Traveled to Indiana with my momma

And I took many naps

I had a girlfriend, Sprinkles, but that voluptuous Maltese bitch packed up one night and left me for bigger things like a mastiff California. It’s ok though, they will be other bitches around. They are other cuties in my neighborhood but I mainly have my eye on Muffin, she is a cutie dachshund who I think has a crush on me.

I also found out this year that my long-lost brother is out there! Momma says she has never seen a doggie like me before but when she was reading More to Life Than Lettuce she saw Brody.


Pics courtesy of More to Life Than Lettuce

Isn’t it weird how much we look alike? Sometimes my marmie just stares at the pictures and can’t believe that’s not me. I wish I had Brody near because then everyone would see us together and think we’re twins!

I had a very happy birthday though. I thought it would be just another normal day and get to spend more time with my marmie because she had off from this place she calls work (What the hell is work anyways? She is probably out having fun 40 hours a week!) I thought it would consist of some puppy kisses and my momma taking me out for a long walk but I was wrong, momma had an agenda. We went for a long walk and I got a nice, meaty treat shaped like a pizza.

But then we got into this device with four wheels where I sit in an oversized seat and momma has her hands around a round contraption (hehe). I don’t like when we get into this thing.  Although we hop in this thing a lot for pleasant things like the park, I always think we are going somewhere bad like the doctor or the pound. I had one momma before my current momma and always think somewhere back in my head that she is going to give me away. Who says dogs don’t have confidence issues? Anyways, we got in and I waited to see where we were going. Turns out, I was going to get pretty! I love getting pretty because they treat me like a little baby and can tell I’m nervous. But it’s all good because I get my hair cut, nails trimmed and they clean the brown gook around my eyes.

My momma picked me up a few hours later. She was in her workout clothes and think she muttered something about going for a 45 minute walk and running errands while I was at the spa. But then there was another surprise! Momma took me to the Canine Cafe for a birthday treat! Canine Cafe is a cute, dog boutique near us and they have dog accessories and a dog bakery so we can enjoy sweets like us humans! Momma got me two petite four treats

Momma sang happy birthday to me when we got home. That’s nothing new to me though since she sings to me…..all……the…..time. She loves to sing but won’t sing in front of other humans since *ahem* she isn’t the best singer ever. I know, I know. I shouldn’t say that about my momma since she is so good to me but it’s the truth. She sings all these songs to me and sometimes replaces words to make it relatable to me. She sings “Devil in Disguise” by one of her faves, Elvis someone or another and sings:

“He looks like a poohuahua”

“He walks like a poohuahua”

“He barks like a poohuahua”

 “You’re the Linky in disguise”

She also sings a lot of Lionel Richie and The Commodores to me. She is old school. My favorite is when she sings some song called “Maniac” from an 80’s movie (waaaaay before my day) and does this little dance running in place. It’s cute and it amuses me.

Anyways, it’s been a great day. Momma and I took naps after my treats then we just hung out. I’m happy she let me blog, I’ve only posted once before but definitely want to do it more! And thanks everyone who comments how cute I am. She relays the messages to me and I really appreciate it. Thanks for reading, it’s truly been a great day.

PS–My momma asked me to post a link to win a free apron at Fashion Meets Food!